I am Proud To Become A Down Syndrome Sister

What? Are you serious about that? Yes, I am! If many people around us have always looked down on their special family member, in contrast, I am proud to become a down syndrome sister!😊

If he can choose, of course, my brother would pick the path as a normal boy. Based on bloodline, my father was an intelligent person, persistent, and had never stopped to learn something. I inherit all those lines just like twin mirrors. Meanwhile, my brother had a different fate that grows up as a down syndrome child. Well, we could not change fate, for instance, to be born into a rich family or poor family, born as a normal child or special one.  In my brother's case, that's what I call fate to grow up as a special child. However, whether we are regular or disabled people, the future is a mystery and what we can do is start work on the future from now on. What I have believed is when people work hard and never give up, they are able to reach a good life. The key is education. That is why I have always encouraged my brother to go to school and study hard. Yes, I met a couple blind people who are become independent people to this day. They took courses and learned to live independently by staying in the dorm, learned a skill that they could use to get money for a living. Who's know with that skill they were able to buy a house, motorcycle, have a good life, and having healthy two beautiful boys! So, people who look down on disable and do not believe in the importance of school, you must learn so many things in this life. Fate, we can't change it, but the future, it remains a mystery. With study at school, we can change our life for better one.

Talking about fate, sometimes some or many people misunderstood what fate is. One of our relatives said, "Just accept the fate that he can't do anything and going to school. Giving him food and drink, it's more than enough for him to live." Well, I disagree about that. We were a big family, having lots of aunties, uncles, and cousins. But only my father and I have always believed that school has the capability to change our lives in the future. As far as I can tell, not only my brother, when people around me whether neighbors and family or relatives knew that I went to high school then set sailing my journey by studying at university to get a degree, most of them also said, "Your father is poor, so you do not belong at school! Your life will never succeed!"  Another said, "Look at your father, he doesn't have money if you feel pity you should not study at university!" They treated me poorly, but they treated my brother even harshly and rudely. Cousins only passed by our home, none of them asked him to play together by riding a bike around. They came only on purpose, one minute then left without even say "Hi" to my brother. My brother who sat at the terrace had always the one who saw them wandering. Like our cousin who lived in the city when came to my father's house with their parent and stayed for vacation, they didn't share their coco pie with my toddler brother; hiding around my father's garden and ate the snacks. What kind of manner is that?🤷‍♂️ People looked down on him, furthermore, they avoided to close to my brother because in their eyes my brother was a stupid boy. For them, embarrassing to have a cousin like him and stayed close to him. It was the reason why people said that he should stay at home, just gave him food and drink, accepted fate.

When we lived in the village, I do remember that my brother loved to ride a bike, going to a regular primary school on his own. Coming back home at noon, took a rest for a while, and at late noon he went to study in another class (unformal school); he was willing to take a course. As far as I can see, he was able to determine what he wanted even though a down syndrome child. Compare to other villager children who most of them didn't take any serious attention in school and drop out. Without any credentials, no one hires them for jobs, as a result, they just wandered around and relied on their parents. Many of them became stealers who stole fruit, chicken, duck from their neighborhood.

Unlike me who had never bought snacks and lunch at school, my brother's pocket money was the same as me and loved to buy veggie fritter, ice, or any snacks at the school canteen. After went back home, he still ate some snacks. He just looked like other children and wanted to go to school and socialize in the community. Sadly, most people around us rejected him. People said he was an unintelligent, brainless kid just because he could not catch up in the class. Especially my father's partner, she didn't accept that my brother was a down syndrome child and felt embarrassed to have a child-like him. Practically, she didn't want him going to school because she thought he had no future. Similar to others, for her,  "giving him daily food and drink just more than enough for him to live."  Something that much more tragic, she said my brother was crazy and sent him to the treatment for crazy people. I could not forgive this kind of action even until this day. 

Maybe my brother was unlucky, my father lost his decent job and everything when he needed full support. He didn't have any opportunity to get the proper school. That time, my father fought for justice in court for a year or more after his colleagues set him up for something that he didn't do for the company. Meanwhile, my father's partner objected to sending him to a down syndrome school in the city. Moreover, she even raised her voice when my father convinced her. Sadly for my father, after he encountered the hardest event in his life; losing a decent job, zero saving money, he pulled back which meant his partner took over on every decision in the household since my father was not able to give her money like before. Divorcing my father wasn't a good move because many eyes watched her. Moreover, she knew I love my father even though he didn't have money anymore I would like to sacrifice myself to take a job after school. Well, after 3 years, every day, told me the stories of her ex-boyfriend with the hope I would take her side and so that she could marry her ex, all her effort was futile. Therefore, she decided that my brother went to a regular elementary school nearby. Luckily, the headmaster was a kind and gentle person, he encouraged my brother. However, by the end of the day, my father's partner pulled off my brother from school before he got a credential because for her it was wasting time and money. I was disappointed with her act. 

After my father passed away, my brother's situation got even worst. None of the family offered me help to sending him to a down syndrome school in the city where I tried building my career. They were worried I wasn't able to pay back the debt to them if they lend me money for my brother's tuition fee. Unlike my father who cared for his entire family by helping them when he was a successful career man, what I can say, my father's family just a bunch of jealous people who loves to spread hatred. They hated and insulted me because I was outstanding, they insulted and bullied my brother because he has down syndrome. Meanwhile, my father's widow just had been busy finding a new husband, using my father's money to provide for her lifestyle, took all of my father's properties (a house with big yards and garden, crop field) to secure her life without working. Not even once she cared to send my brother to a down syndrome school. What a poor boy, by looking at the fact I am the one who inherits all my father's endless money and the properties as well, I should able to send my only brother to school that day after my father died. Unfortunately, I don't hold that money not even one cent even until today. I wasn't able to send my brother to school at that time. 

Luckily, a person who gave me monthly school assistant took my brother as one of her employees since he didn't do anything at home because my father's widow dragged him down from school. My brother was happy to have a job and wage that enough for his living. Tragically, he got accident at work because all his co-workers threatened him, bullied him physically and verbally while he was working hard, and just grateful to have the job. He stayed at this job for around a year or less than a year ( I forgot it). It was not a safe environment for him. 

I tried to send my brother back to school. That time was a more likely private school. The school's owner was a kind and gentle couple who initiative to build a school from scratch in our lovely hometown to provide an affordable school for families who lived in poverty. They wanted children from low-income family got a chance to get an education. They had had around 30 students (or more) when they were willing to take my brother as one of their students. I was grateful and delighted. In return, I helped them financially by paying tuition fees for about 10 students monthly (until today I didn't know whether the school owner received that money since my father's widow held my brother monthly money that I send for him regularly). Sadly, less than 2 years, suddenly my father's widow pulled off my brother from this private school. It was too obvious, as far as I can see, she made trouble with my brother's teachers, I assume it was about tuition fees. Once again, my brother didn't have a chance to get a credential.

I was tired of all the drama that my father widow created, and all of the trouble she developed not only with my brother's teachers but also people who cared a lot about my brother's future. She ditched my kindness aunty, and also my grandma. This is it, I must decisive by taking my brother under my wing after more than 2 years I repaid my "debt" every month to that my father's widow. What a "debt" is it? Not long after my father buried in the ground, his widow forced me to pay all the money that my father spent to send me to a university. In front of my kind aunt, she said I had a "debt' to her and I should repay. Well, I paid for it, and said: "goodbye." Since that day, I took him out from all the chaos which means he's with me. I sent him to a down syndrome school.

Gradually, my brother develops his confidence. He has met lots of people on his journey. Having many friends, meeting a new family, and experiences wonderful events in his life. His life is colorful like a rainbow after the storm. He has learned to live independently by staying at the school dorm. Making a bed after waking up in the morning, cleaning the dorm, helping to prepare food at the kitchen dorm, doing laundry & folding his own laundry, is just his daily routine in the school dorm. Meanwhile, in class, the teachers have taught him many subjects. And because it is a down syndrome school, it has another program to develop skills such as making snacks and sells them, creating handmade beautiful fabric and sell them, do gardening, making another handmade handicraft, et cetera. Particularly, my brother loves music and art, therefore he likes singing and drawing. Just like our father who loved drawing and singing, we both, my brother and I are also like music and art. He has always excited to sing in front of the audience at school events. All day long, my brother has always been busy at school since he wakes up before the crack of the dawn, going to the classes, and the school finishes at 3 PM. What a long day for a down syndrome boy!😊

All my hard work is paid off; my brother attended his graduation ceremony about 2 weeks ago. Since that day when he walked on the stage with head up, he has held a credential that equivalent to regular high school. I am so proud of him as he has always worked hard in school. He starts his study from scratch again around 9 or 10 years ago after twice hadn't chanced to finish school. I do not want to give up on him and he also doesn't want to give up either. As a result, finally, he got an achievement. I think it is the best present for the 64th birthday of our father in June this year and the best gift on Father's Day for our beloved father. I bet if he still around today, he would have the biggest smile on my brother's graduation day same as when I got my Bachelor's degree many years ago. A decade ago, people said it was too late to send my brother to a down syndrome school, waste money, and time as well. Even my father's sister who had a job as a teacher said that it was useless brought him back to school and waste money. I wonder, what kind of teacher she is; objecting to a boy who needed school. In my view, late to study is far better than never. Furthermore, going to school is an investment for our future.

I do still remember a decade ago, one of our cousins insulted and bullied him verbally. She said my brother was an uneducated boy, a stupid poor boy, and no future at all. After years, while my brother has gone for adventure and study to get achievement, she has just stayed on the same stage, hasn't got her Bachelor degree (a big possibility is never ever to get it), career hasn't gone anywhere, and plain life. Nothing extraordinary has happened to her since the last time she harshly bullied my brother. Like others who looked down on my brother because he has down syndrome, she thought that she was a normal smarter girl that definitely far better than a disabled boy to climb up her life higher especially her life and career brightly. Year by year she tried hard to get her dream career but it hasn't come. None of her siblings get Bachelor's degrees either, and their life just average. What I have learned about our life in the past is that the future hasn't written yet, we do not know how the future come out. But one thing for sure, we can work hard for a better outcome. By insulting and bullying others would never lift up our life in the coming time. The choice is yours, rolling in the mud like a pig, or work hard, walk with your head up for a great future. 

Now, what the plan for my brother after graduation? Well, my husband and I have discussed the next step for him. I am very excited to see him in the next few years, what achievement he will get and how far he can go. Life is an adventure!🤗 

Note:

• Written by Acik Mardhiyanti
• Do not copy this article without permission