Do you have a new dream in 2022 or something that you want to accomplish? Well, if you ask me, "I do!" However, my dream in 2022 is still my old dream, yeah, a new year with an old dream that has made me strong through the rough time. I have held this dream since I was in the fifth grade and I am still trying my best to get it no matter what happens even if tomorrow is a doomsday, I would still work on it.
Not a long ago, someone that I knew asked me, "why don't you just become a normal housewife, enjoy life, feel blessing every day, have kids that will make you happy." I have heard many kinds of comments, rude words, insulting words, et cetera a lot during my journey since I decided what I wanted to be in the future. It happens years and no one can break my dream, instead, I am used to taking those discouraging words to build a bridge and make a leader so that I am able to step higher and higher.
When I was in primary school, maybe first grade, third grade, or fourth grade (I do not remember the exact time), once, only once, my father said something to me. He told me this, "Study hard, get to the university, study marketing, hold a degree, and work in the marketing field." Believe me, I had no idea what "marketing" is. For me, it was the first time I heard that word, and I was completely clueless about marketing. However, I reply "YES" to respond my father wished. After that day, I forgot about our small conversation, especially after my father had to fight a case in the company where he worked. That time when my father lost his decent job, I was also lost my future; my future! How is something like that related to my future? It sounds intriguing, isn't it?
Talking about my dream, everyone, all children which were my friends had always said wanting to be a doctor or police officer when someone asked them what were their dream. However, I stayed still when someone questioned me what I wanted to be in the future, what was my dream. Why? It was too obvious because my future had been written since I was born I guess and I did not need to reply or explain it because people in my father's circle would understand. My father had always said again, and again when I was a little that I must study hard and stay in a good performance in academics so I would get a schoolship from the company. The company where my father dedicated his life offered scholarships for its employees' children who could stay in the at least top 10 in the class. exclusively, for those who were able to sit on the top 3 in the class, they would get higher appreciation. From high school until university, the company would give full scholarships. Moreover, after graduating from university and holding a degree with a good academic record, directly would be hired by the company with a great term. Therefore, I did not think to have a dream because my life was guaranteed by the company until I retired and my next generation. My father and I, both of us had believed and were confident in my ability, no doubt about it.
After I lost all my opportunities for my great future, I was helpless; I was just 9 years old girl. Someday one of my friends who was my senior gave advice. She said, "you will go to secondary school soon, now you are in fifth grade, time to think about your dream, decide what you want to be in the future." She said again, "Once you get into secondary school the teacher will ask you what is your dream and why you choose it." I could not sleep in peace since that day, I was trying hard to find my dream, my purpose in this life. I do not know why but I was a primary school student who was keen on news on TV. I watched it daily at 7 pm and 9 pm. I found out it was intriguing things, especially the economic news where our country succeeded to create a new variant of paddy that suited our climate and made farmers happy. That new creation affected farmers financially. As a result, the economy had run smoothly because life was easy. For example, in my hometown where many worked as farmers, they had a good time since their crops were enough to cover the cost of living. From there, I made my decision, what I wanted to be in the future. Despite a broken situation I encountered because of my father's case, I had tried my best to finish primary school and made a big decision where I wanted to work after school to rescue my school situation. You can read a related article about it here
https://ichi-journey.blogspot.com/2021/08/how-education-can-lift-you-out-from.html You can say, to keep my dream alive it has always been rough and heavy until these days. However, for me, there is no time to give up.
My plan to get my dream was meticulous great each step. But something hit it again not long after graduating from university where I just started working. Less than a year I received a threatening message and a few months later I almost died because someone tried to eliminate me from the world. I was depressed, lost my job, lived in frugal life. Then in the same year, my father passed away. It was completely give me a massive hit. I could not even think of my dream anymore, everything just burnt into ashed and disappear into the air. Day after day I just tried to survive. For years I have tried to heal the wound in my heart, kept positive in mind, done something good in my life like help others, learned something new to keep me busy, and move forward with the hope that I will have another opportunity to accomplish my old dream; study Master, get Ph.D. and do research. It is not a piece of cake because I have to take care of my down syndrome brother as my father is no longer alive. Furthermore, I must think about my own family. After the tragic tragedy that happened in my life, all my plans reset from zero point. It sounds not good because I need to build up my plans from scratch again.
If you are following The Journey of Ichi's Family, I have written a series article with the title "Rising from The Ashes; you would get a hint why I can not just become a regular married woman. I have stood up for my future since 9 years old when my father lost everything. At 11 years old, while my friends were playing around, hanging around after school, I went to work until 9 to 10 PM and morning to night on Sunday and school holidays just to earn some little money to support my school and my own expenses. You could say I was 60% an independent girl at that time as I was able to provide my own matters, except for food I still ate at my father's house; other than foods, I am proud to say that I bought from my own money that I earned! To be honest, I wished I could just be a normal student girl but I couldn't. If I wanted to get a high education, I had to make a sacrifice which meant I needed to leave my fun time and drown myself in the workplace. Even after marriage, I am still different from most people where I come from where at home, I do writing, gardening, making handmade flowers & cat collars, taking some courses & a specific program, also have tried to have a small business. I have been questioned by some people about "what for" a married woman does many kinds of things, wants to study for a Master's and get a Ph.D; it is too many wishes considering that I am not in 20s anymore. Sometimes, we do not need to explain and that is what I have done because some people do not understand and are not able to reach what I am preparing and working for the best future, not only for me and my next generation but also for my brother's future. For me, getting a high education is a must-do, because from there I can resume my career ( a good one), work in the field that I have always wanted to, dedicated the time that I have left in the research so that I can help others. Yeah to be a researcher I must get Ph.D., isn't it? Moreover, by having stable finances, I will be able to send my brother to the best down syndrome school where he can live in peace and happily ever after with lots of friends, finding his purpose in this life with a good school program. To send him to this particular school needs an amount of money and is not cheap. Furthermore, assisting villager children monthly who want to stay in school would be easier if I have a good income. And all of these things are starting from the degree that I hold. You can say, that is my motivation why I am eager to study Master's and get a Ph.D. 🙂
It has been 15 years since I graduated from university and hold Bachelor's degree. For years, my dream has never changed and I am still insisting on my old dream since I was in fifth grade; getting high education and helping others. Every new year I have always kept my old dream alive no matter what happens. Indeed, it is not easy to climb this massive towering mountain, but the more challenging it is, the more persistent I am. Am I crazy? Yeah, maybe I am, like some people who marked me as a crazy village girl who wanted to study at university. But I succeeded in getting into university and got Bachelor's Degree in the past, right? Having a high dream is not crazy or living in an imaginary world if we work on it.
Note:
- Written by Acik Mardhiyanti
- Do not copy this article without permission
